Black clouds

This is making me crazy
These black clouds following me
So I look for signs of light
But rarely I see them

I return to my shelter
And I crawl in a bottle
I'm losing my will for this
So over emotional

Black clouds
They rain down but
They can't kill the sun

Confession of depression
This life I'm second-guessing
Like ashes to ashes
I always seem to fall down
I'm tired of running
It's time to face my demons
Confession of depression
This life I'm second-guessing

My emotions are storming
And tears fall just like rain
Pain strikes like lightning
Despair is becoming my friend 

I'm pushing myself to a point of self-destruction

Black clouds
They rain down but
They can't kill the son inside 

By Papa Roach

Freedom...

Sitting in the lap of nature in the balcony, sipping a hot steaming cup of coffee while reading a book, and listening to some good classic rock numbers. That’s the way I am spending my Independence Day. Gazing up in the sky, I can see the sky covered with dark clouds, which is like cherry on the cake, making the weather perfect. The kites flying in the open sky which is infinite, talking to the wind, move up in speed, when the strings are let loose . The orange, green, white, blue, yellow, red: kites in all different colours, flying high in the sky unleash your spirit too. I would say this is freedom.

Breaking the monotony of mundane life, taking some time out for myself, is the way I’d like to define freedom. When I can sit peacefully at a corner, without worrying about anything which needs to be taken care of, it’s freedom. We all are so much caught up in things we do on a daily routine basis, that it leaves us with no time for ourselves. So why not indulge in things that we love to do, without being guilty conscious to celebrate Independence Day. I know not everybody is having an off today, but those who are having, take some time off and pamper yourselves. On rest of the days, we anyway have to live life like corporate slaves by working our asses’ off. So seize the day and make the most of it. Happy Independence Day!

The realm of magic & fantasy

As I watched the last instalment of Harry Potter movie, it left me poignant. It’s absurd to understand how a movie and its characters became a part of my life as I grew up. I still remember I was in class 8^th when I had gone to watch Harry Potter and Sorcerer’s Stone for the first time. My friend told me about the book. Initially, I took no notice of the book but when this friend of mine kept on raving about it, I decided to read it. So I got myself a copy of The Chambers of Secrets and fell in love with the characters of the book and the magical world it had created. It was considered to be a book for children but later I got to know that Harry Potter had cast a spell on everybody and age was no bar to fall under its enchantment.

Children, teenagers, elders, they all were Harry Potter fans. The second book enticed me to buy the next one in the series and so I bought it. This is how I too joined the Harry Potter fan club. I read the books and watched the movies to get transported to the magical world. This was one book which had so many characters and as the story unfolded in layers, we got to know more and more about each one of them. The troika of Harry, Ron and Hermione was of course the soul of the book. Harry was the one who always endangered his life to save people around him and his friends stood by him through thick and thin. The characters of the book have been etched out in our minds forever. Then there was Harry Potter’s vocabulary. Words that were never heard before. Words which had no meaning in the outside world. Words which are beyond a person’s comprehension who has not read the book. This vocabulary added to the persona of the magical world and made everything seem real.

On the surface, it may look like any other children’s book but it had something for everyone. I loved it because it had all the elements- love, hatred, friendship, betrayal, mystery, suspense, drama, thrills, adventure and loads of action. Harry, Ron and Hermione were always in the middle of action chasing something to put the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together.

It meant something to me. It became a part of my growing up years. Since it was written at the backdrop of a school, Hogwarts, I became more fond of it. Hogwarts was the place where most of the action took place. So Professor Snape being the most dreaded teacher around, the Malfoy and Slytherins acting as bullies all the time, Quiditch match bringing out the house rivalry thing etc. struck a chord with me. This was something we experienced at school so it was easy to relate to it.

Whenever I read the books, I felt like watching the movies too. I always wanted to see how the story had been adapted visually. There was also a curiosity to see the new characters which were introduced in the books from time to time. The new characters raised the level of excitement. Harry Potter movies gave the feel and experience of the fantasy world. I was in love with the Hogwarts castle, the other sets built and the dark treatment given to the story on such a grand scale; it all added perfectly to the mystical aura.

It took some time to absorb the shock that J.K.Rowling won’t be writing Harry Potter anymore. Movies, however, provided some solace but they have come to an end too. Now I will have to make peace with the fact that Harry Potter’s time is up.

Mixed Feelings

                                                      
Yesterday was a day of ups and downs. I had an interview in the morning, so I got up early and left for it. It rained in the morning so I thought it’s going to be a fine day ahead. The morning was cool and pleasant which made it easy for me to commute to South Delhi. I had to wait for some time for the person who was supposed to take my interview. The wait was killing me, so I said to myself probably it’s not such a good day as I thought it to be. Just when I began to feel a little sleepy, a man at the office got me a cup of tea. I needed it badly to keep myself awake.

After some time, I was called in for the interview. It went fine. The interviewer seemed a very considerate man. It felt more or less like an interactive session where he was just trying to get to know me better. I got positive vibes while I was leaving from there. I said, “Hopefully, it’s going to be a good day.”

In the afternoon, I had to meet Tanya for lunch. I thought it’d be easy to get there within half an hour as I was already in South. But, bus number 727 didn’t come. I waited for half an hour. 423 green buses passed. 425 green buses passed. 423 red buses passed. 425 red buses passed. No sign of 727. At last, it came after waiting at the bus stop for an hour.

Having had a hearty meal with Tanya, we decided to watch something. All the excitement went down the drain as I ran out of luck. The DVD I had got didn’t play in the DVD player. So, we had to settle down for Dil Chahta Hai. After getting bored of watching DCH, Tanya decided to make some sandwiches instead. She chopped an onion, a tomato and a capsicum but realized there was no bread. I was sent to the nearby market to get the bread but the store was found closed when I got there. Then, we went to the market together to get the bread.

We had to meet Ginni at Dilli Haat in the evening. We were running late. While we were on our way in the auto, every time Tanya checked her cellphone; Ginni’s name flashed on the screen. We could understand the latter’s restlessness as she isn’t used to the habit of waiting for someone; the only thing she loves is to make others wait. On speaking to her, Tanya kept on dilly dallying, otherwise, Ginni would have killed us both.  It was good to see her and then, we began talking like the old days. From office drama to jobs, everything was discussed at length.

We saw a bioscopewala and these people got all excited. We heard him shouting-“Cinema for 10 rupees”. So, we decided to give it a shot. We rushed to the bioscopewala in a child like excitement. We bent on our knees and peeped inside. But, much to our surprise, there was no movie being shown. Ginni started saying we had been fooled. It was hilarious. All we got to see inside were posters of actors like Sunil Shetty, Salman Khan and some monuments like Taj Mahal, Humayun’s Tomb etc. Ginni’s excitement began to fade away quickly. She said,“ Why are you making us watch scenery? Where is the movie?”  In a jiffy, we noticed people gathering around us as if there was something really exciting to watch. The credit for bringing us all in the spotlight also goes to Ginni, who was screaming at the top of her voice hysterically. Already there was a lot of hullabaloo and on top of it, the bioscopewala asked us to pay 20 rupees instead of 10. When we argued with him, he asked us not to pay him at all. On hearing this, Ginni said,“ Let’s not pay him if he says so.” At the end, we gave him 40 rupees and left. There was no end to the cuss words then.

 It was time to get back home so Tanya began looking for an auto-rickshaw. What else could we expect from the autorickshaw drivers? They all started showing tantrums and refused to go. Ginni again started shouting in hysteria, “Dial 100...they can’t say no to a passenger...” We approached a constable and he helped us out in getting an auto. We had barely reached the metro station, when we got a call from Tanya saying that she had got down at AIIMS as the auto driver took the wrong route. God knows whether it was a mistake or was done on purpose. Something similar happened with me also. It started raining heavily at night and no rickshawpuller was ready to take me home for 10 rupees.

Well, since morning, I had quite an eventful day so I wasn’t in a mood to give the rickshawpullers the pleasure to have their way with me. I was already done with my quota of problems for the day, so I decided to walk till home even at the cost of getting drenched in the rain.

On getting back home, I realized that despite little bit of pinpricks, it was overall a good day!

All good things come to an end

My friend circle was limited initially and I barely had any interaction with other people in the class. In the first semester we all stuck to our respective groups and healthy rivalry prevailed for quite some time. Second semester was the season of revolution. Protests were held as the issue of degree was taken up. An interesting & eventful first year came to an end.

CMS became a deserted place in the second year as not many used to turn up for the classes. First year’s charm withered away. Third semester saw many ups and downs. The perceptions we had about one another changed, from being bitter rivals and foes, people became friends and from being friends, some became acquaintances. Some drifted apart, some came close. Ours was a lot of regular students in journalism. Corp commites also used to come and so the camaraderie among us began. Fourth semester was a rollercoaster ride and we were all taken in for a surprise. The unforgettable trip was its highlight which brought everyone close.

I know it sounds clichéd to say this but yes I do wonder how fast the time has flown by. I feel terrible now as the countdown has begun before it all gets over. The clock is ticking and time is slipping away quickly. When I had set for this journey, I had no idea what shape things would take. I know people in my class who would be more than happy to get rid of this place as they never liked things here. Yes, things were frustrating at times and they did get on my nerves. We all had our share of disappointments; dirty politics sucked big time, the system was fucked up badly. But still this place will always be special to me. Every corner of the college will remind me of something. I know some of you won’t agree with me on this. A few days back, Megha told me she won’t really miss the place as she didn’t really come to college that often but she would miss the people and times she spent with all of us. But for us, it is different as we will equally miss the place. I fell in love with this place gradually as I spent most of my time here. The place worked for me because of the people who were around me. I came across some amazing people, had a great time, laughed till my stomach ached & tears rolled down my cheeks, had some silly fights & pulled one another’s leg, played pranks, annoyed one another with our mischievous acts & now there is a feeling of uneasiness as it’s time to say goodbye.

You guys became a special part of my life in such a short span of time and now I have such fond memories to live with. I have so many things on my mind to say but I’m falling short of words to express myself. Some of us are going empty- handed from here but not me. I’m taking so many beautiful memories which will always make me smile and cry at the same time.

So far, this journey has been superb. I’ll miss each one of you guys. I don’t know about others but I thoroughly enjoyed myself. There were small things which touched my heart and filled it with immense happiness.

Things that I’ll miss the most:-

1. Old classroom and all the masti we did there

2. Talking, eating and sleeping at the back bench while the teacher used to teach

3. Watching movies in the studio or classroom or tutorial

4. Sitting and chatting in the sound lab

5. Having chit-chat sessions over a cup of tea and snacks while spending time sitting in the ground

6. Having lunch together in the canteen

7. Having Ice-cream after lunch and looking for a Bakra who would be willing to pay for everybody’s ice-cream

8. Playing music at full volume and dancing as if there would be no tomorrow

9. Working under tremendous pressure in order to meet the deadlines and running from pillar to post at the last moment to make up for all those days when we were busy having fun

10. Exploring new places & experiencing a different world with Group-A and Group-C while working together

11. Hurling abuses at one another out of love and affection

12. Playing pranks and pulling one another’s leg

13. Working in Group-A with a bunch of crazy people who drove me nuts as we did street play which never really had a script, did puppetry for which we never re-hearsed and blah, blah ,blah...the list goes on... but all said and done I loved my group and if I were given a chance, I wouldn’t have switched to any other group

14. Working in Group-C which was always a pleasure. We all ended up having a good time while working

15. Mimicking all our classmates, teachers and staff members at USMC

16. Pummy bhaiyya's ginger tea

17. Ambrish Sir's grilling sessions in the morning

We found solace in small things and took pleasure in simple things that life had to offer. At times, it was just a cup of coffee or soup in the chilly winters, or a plate of maggi or momos that was enough to fill our empty stomachs. At times, it was the never-ending silly conversations or simply chilling out with friends. No matter where we all started this journey from, the best part is that we all became friends at the end of the journey and things are ending on a good note.

How it all started

When I look back at the times which have passed by, I realize how things have taken a different turn. Life always has some other plans for you in store and surprises that you can never really think of. When I started of my post-graduation, I had no idea how things will change. At times, I wonder how from being complete strangers, we developed a strong bond of friendship and came along such a long way. I still remember the first day when I had come to college.

Mohit  It was drizzling outside and I met him on my way to the class. He was wearing his camouflaged shorts and a white tee. He asked me the way to the department, not being aware of the fact that I was heading there too.

I was feeling a bit uneasy before stepping inside, so I stood out and enjoyed the rain for a while. I saw Aakriti and Ritika peeping from inside to see who all were entering. I entered the classroom and took a seat at the end of the row. I don’t remember much who came on the first day. Then I saw a guy in green shirt with white stripes sitting in the front and he was Rohan.

After lunch I was sitting all alone, then came Anu in her Aladin pants and sat next to me. First day was kind of hard as we all got a lecture from Ambrish Sir and I was thinking how long this torture would last. Second day was quite eventful. We had a class with Sweta mam in the studio. Mohit was damn funny and he did earn himself a reputation of being a loud person. A hell lot of things happened on the other day. Anu started off with the zodiac signs thing wherein we had a chat about the characteristics of a person. Rohan was sitting right next to her and seemed a little out of place. On my way back to home, I bumped into Pramod. I got to know that he stayed near my place and that’s how we became friends.

Danish  Usually, I used to sit with Mohit. Then one day, Danish came and sat next to me. We didn’t talk much. I had barely interacted with him till the time Campus Buzz hadn’t started. We were in the same group and that’s how I got to know him once we started working together for Buzz.

It took us some time to get to know one another. Me, Mohit, Danish, Pramod and Rohan used to sit and eat our lunch together and that’s how we became friends slowly. After some time, it was just the four of us and Pramod changed his seat.

Tanya  I hadn’t noticed Tanya in the class initially. But I do remember her purple t-shirt and her black and blue Reebok floaters that she used to wear. I remember Pramod telling me once that it was difficult to distinguish one girl from the other in their group as they all looked alike because of their fair complexion. I noticed her for the first time, when we had gone to puppets’ museum. While exiting from the museum, I was having a friendly chat with Gitika and there Tanya was busy wearing her floaters and waiting for Gitika to quickly wind up her talk. The same evening we all had gone to watch the play “Hamlet”.

Then I spoke to her for the first time when we attended the Sufi concert. My interaction with her was limited initially. Once their group had to stay back late in the evening, working for the Buzz thing. Me, Mohit and Nidhi had gone to drop Tanya to the bus-stop at night. While working for the practicals, our interaction grew. We became friends quite late while working together for organizing the farewell party.

With Ujaley, Mustaquim and Mohnish I hit off well during the AIR days. As days passed by, I saw Ujaley was quite contrary to the image he had in the class. I found him a decent chap.

Ginni  I took no notice of Ginni in the class. Her presence wasn’t felt until “Above the line” happened. Pramod and Ginni were asked to anchor the event. That was the first time I interacted with Ginni. She seemed to be very coy, reserved and naive when I first had a word with her. I got an impression that she wasn’t able to adjust herself to the fast life of Delhi and its culture. Little did I know at that point of time that looks can be so deceptive? She was a different person altogether at the end of the first semester and was way ahead of me.

Charlie’s Angels  I became friends with Garima, Ratika and Megha in the third semester as they were the only souls apart from our group who used to wander in USMC. Our interaction with them grew more as they used to come to college regularly. All of us used to chill and spend time together and so, we became friends.

Prequel to the trip to Jim Corbett and Nainital

I’d like to share my experience about what it actually took to make this trip happen in the first place. When the talks about the trip began doing the rounds, everybody wanted it to happen as this was the last semester of college. We had no idea that it would take so much of pains and efforts to get through with its preparations. Things kept on getting delayed for some or the other reasons initially.

February was coming to its end and talks regarding the trip were nowhere in the picture. Mohit, our front man had also suddenly disappeared from the scene and he wasn’t actively taking part in its preparations. On 24th February, we had to fix up dates 5-9 March as Mr C.P. Singh told us that Alumni Meet was in the pipeline and so we were supposed to get back by 12th which barely left us with anytime in our hands. We announced the dates publicly on Facebook considering the time limitation in mind. The next day we had a word with the juniors and they seemed unhappy with the dates. We, as we like to call ourselves “The Organising Committee members” were under tremendous pressure on Friday, the 25^th as the situation was quite chaotic and was in a mess.

Already, we were in low spirits and the cold response we got from our juniors further dampened them. Mohit dropped a bomb on us when we got to know he wouldn’t be coming. Things were not clicking at all; we were falling short of numbers and the tour operator needed the final headcount to give a go-ahead green signal. By this time, Mr. Rohan had taken the baton from Mohit. There was no stepping back as Mr. C.P.Singh had given us the nod. No notice was out yet. In addition to this, we also had some doubts about the operator.

When we came back to the class and saw Garima’s reaction, my heart further sank. Rohan motivated all of us and assured that we would get through with this. On Saturday (26 Feb), we started looking for an operator. Luckily, we found one but were not quite sure that he’d actually turn up. At the back of our minds, we had to finalize things on Monday if we had to leave on 5^th. Rohan got in touch with two operators to be on the safer side. On the other hand, we were also in talks with Divya as she knew one operator.

The status on Facebook initially didn’t generate any positive response. I was almost on the verge of getting publicly embarrassed, had the things not worked out in our favour at the end.

On Monday, the 28^th, Rohan began counselling sessions to convince more and more people to come for the trip. One by one, he was addressing everybody’s problems from seeking parents’ permission to dates clashing with a relative's wedding and all that jazz. The journalism’s tutorial room was in a state of utter mayhem as all the girls began to talk simultaneously. Rohan was patiently listening to Ratika, Garima, Divya and Rashneer while Danish was engrossed in documenting the whole scene. Tanya and Ginni were busy fooling around. In the evening, luck smiled a little on us as the dates for the trip were re-scheduled and got pushed to 8th March. We took a sigh of relief as we got some more time to organize things. Wednesday was an off and to our dismay, no notice was out on Tuesday (1st March) which took us back to square one.

As soon as the notice was out on Thursday ( 3rd March), a ray of hope flickered. We took pictures of the notice and tagged each and everyone on Facebook to make them believe that it’s official. But this didn’t change things for our juniors and they were still less in numbers. Mohit took one copy to his home and came back smiling the next day with the permission to come on the trip. We were back on track, although, the clock was still ticking for us.

There was no change in the response of the first year students which was a major disappointment. We were also clueless about the teachers who would accompany us and things still seemed quite vague at that moment. The clauses, terms and conditions put by Mr. C.P. Singh were also a cause of concern for us and we crossed our fingers that he doesn’t disapprove of the operator on any grounds. 4th March, Friday was the D-day. Meeting with the operator was fixed at 6:00 in the evening. Rohan got a call from him around 5. Mohit and Rohan left to pick him up. But god as usual wasn’t that generous and kind enough to let things run smoothly for us. We were all left red-faced when we found Mr. C.P. Singh missing from his room. While calling him up, we got to know that he had left a few minutes before. The OC was furious and highly embarrassed in front of the operator.

Somehow by beating around the bush and cooking up some silly stories, we kept the conversation going. But, it wasn’t a futile discussion by any means and we were convinced by the operator’s assurances that things would work out. The very next day, the operator got changed. I missed the action on Saturday (5^th March) as I had come late in the evening but was shocked to learn that the operator had been changed at the last minute. Eventually, Divya’s operator was brought into the picture.

Sunday, the 6th was the final day. Things could no longer be delayed. I didn’t go to college as I was busy shopping for the trip. Even though I was out, I was uneasy and restless as no positive news came about the trip. Mohit told me over the phone that some clauses put by C.P. sir had led to a deadlock. High level talks were doing the rounds inside Mr. C.P. Singh’s office. I was constantly calling up these guys to get any new updates related to the trip. After an eventful day of negotiations and tough decisions, the OC finally did it.

At night, I got the news that trip is on... things had been finally set in motion. The hard work had been paid off; my happiness was beyond imagination. Positivity began to step in on Monday (7th March) when everybody turned up to give the money and I pinched myself just to see that it was all for real.

A new dawn awaited all of us the next day & the positive energy around really pumped us up. Danish, Mohit, Rohan and Divya were occupied with a lot of work, while I was just fooling around. This trip would also not have been possible without Ujaley, Mustaquim, Rashneer, Mohnish, Garima and Ratika who lent their full support. These people stayed back till late in the evenings, came to college on Sunday and were the backbone of OC . Apoorva deserves a special mention here as she was the only one who kept on calling me throughout to know the trip’s status.

P.S. It was worth taking all the pains to make this trip happen!!!